I have just returned from seeing a pair of friends I haven't seen in the last year and a half or so. It's been long enough for her to get pregnant and have the baby without me knowing. And they live within a mile of me. We've been very remiss in our friendship.
The past year and a half have been so busy that I've let a lot of friendships slide. I used to be so good and was a great keeper of tabs on many people. School and work have cut into that and I've not seen people that I don't already see on a normal basis. It's been too hard for me to plan in enough in advance to make differing schedules work, so I didn't try.
Perhaps I'm a little hard-hearted about it all, but I see it pragmatically, as being part of life. Time (and space) pushes people apart. As for the friends I saw tonight, we easily fell back into companionship. The reasons why I like them so much came flooding back, and we laughed and chatted and I cooed over their new baby. It's very possible I won't see them again, at least not for a very long time, which is sad, but we lead very different lives and I know the next time I do see them will be similar in tone to tonight.
I know I'm not completely hard-hearted about my pragmatism, though. A lump keeps rising in my throat when I think of my life and friends that I am going to be leaving behind here. I suddenly want to photograph everything: the buildings I pass on my ride to work, my cubicle, even the co-workers that drive me crazy. The co-workers I love, I don't know what to do about. I know it's inevitable that I will lose touch with some, and that keeping tabs on people seems to grow harder as you grow older, but I don't want to think about it. I'm afraid I'm going to cry like a baby on my last day of work.
A snippet of a Wilco song ("Sky Blue Sky") plays over in my head. Jeff Tweedy sadly crooning, "So happy to leave what was my home." I feel a little guilty leaving and being excited to leave, knowing how much I'm going to miss what was my home.
That's always the hard part of moving on, isn't it? Enjoy your journey, Claire.
Posted by: Jennifer | August 07, 2007 at 09:52 AM